What if He Won't Lead?

This past Sunday we explored the issue of submission in marriage from Ephesians 5. The text is clear that a man should lead in his home and is responsible for the spiritual growth of his wife and children, but how should a wife should respond if her husband won't lead?

To begin with, her concept of leadership might be different from what the Bible teaches. Leadership doesn’t have one specific form. So her husband might be leading, and she just doesn’t like the way he leads. She wants him to lead another way. In that case it’s not a leadership problem, it’s a submission problem.

But assuming he’s really not leading, she needs to examine herself and be sure she’s not just automatically stepping into the leadership role. This might lead him to not feel the need to lead. He might step up if she weren’t already filling that space. Instead, her first step should be to lovingly, respectfully, and submissively share her concerns with him and give him the chance to lead. If he still won’t lead, she can lead her children. And she can do all she can to grow in godliness herself. Women don’t need leaders (this thought implies an inequality between men and women, with women being inferior). Instead, God’s direction is that in marriage, men ought to lead. There’s a world of difference here. His failure to lead isn’t holding her back spiritually. She can grow and develop and be complete in Jesus without his leadership. But she should not try to lead her husband. Her role is to submit, even if he won’t lead.