An Understanding Way

By John MacArthur

What does it mean to dwell with your wife in an understanding way?

The apostle Peter wrote "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7).

Living with your wife with understanding first of all involves mutual submission. Prior to commanding wives to submit to their husbands the apostle Paul taught that we are to submit to one another in the fear of the God (Ephesians 5:21). Submission is thus the responsibility of a Christian husbands as well as of wives. Though not submitting to his wife as a leader, a believing husband must submit to the loving duty of being sensitive to the needs, fears, and feelings of his wife. In other words, a Christian husband needs to subordinate his needs to hers, whether she is a Christian or not.

In 1 Peter 3:7 Peter specifically notes consideration, chivalry, and companionship. Let's look at each of these qualities in turn.

Be Considerate

"Understanding" speaks of being sensitive to your wife's deepest physical and emotional needs. In other words, be thoughtful and respectful. Remember, you are to nourish and cherish her (Eph. 5:25-28). Many women have said to me, "My husband doesn't understand me. We never talk. He doesn't know how I feel or what I'm thinking about." Such insensitivity builds walls in marriages. "Live with your wives in an understanding way" is another way of saying, "Be considerate." It isn't what you get out of marriage but what you put into it that brings glory to God. Do you know your wife's needs? Have you discussed them with her? Have you asked her what kind of husband she wants you to be?…

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